| I was looking for a new layout because I am going to making a totally new site ha! again right! I am so sick of the whole I am going to do it this time thing. I mean seriously whats more important to me the food I put in my mouth or seeing it on my body later on. 137 <fucking ouch! I am a huge heffer person that only eats and eats and eats  I have seriously been doing so awful terrible lately. I havent had anything since 5 last night and I dont intend on having anything until after 9. I know thats late but thats when i get out of work, and there is no way I can get out of eating, because everyonnneeee knows I dont eat at donkin donuts. I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought god you would be so much prettier if you where just thinner... I hate thinking that. I hate laying on my back and barely seeing my hip bones, or the fact that my ribs are getting sucked into the fat of my stomach. I looked at my mother yesterday and I was like man I am such a fat ass she is thinner then me so much for the competetion.
I am at a cross road in my life
I have pete he is really awesome. We have been together on and off for about 2 years. I love being with him we have such a good time just hanging out, smoking, and chillin. I am comfortable with him.
the negs! - He is 25, he doesnt have his own house, he is currently looking for a job, he isnt going to college.
On the other hand I have Robert. Robert wow such an awesome boyfriend guy he is really sweet bought me flowers for nothing loved going to the movies and on bike rides and playing cards with me. He invited my family over to his house for dinner he invited my bestest and her boyfriend over. He graduated college with 2 degrees, he has his own house. he has a job
the negs - We fight about the stupidest things, I dont enough "nicole" time.
so its like this I like being with pete cause its fun and we just hang I know i am not going to marry him or anything like that, but I mean its just fun. Robert is leaving for colorado in 2 weeks and he said when he comes back he wants me to tell him my anwser I am really leaning towards robert, but I mean I dont want to hurt pete. He just isnt the right person for me. He is an all around good guy, but like nothing i am looking for you know. oye!! what do i dooooooo help help help!! i thought I loved pete, I think i have more love for pete then robert, because I have known pete longer.
Then there is school which is hella stressful, my mother who seems to always hate me, the fact that I am an ever growing beast. My job sucks I dont get paid enough and I work with douchebags. I miss my best friend our lives are so crazy we never get to see each other anymore. I am just generally sad on the inside, but its something that I can't show anyone. I hate the fact that I fucking lost ana, and I want her back I need her back.
*...CL* |
Im badd! I mean its only wednesday so thats alright, I guess. I worked all day monday and then had class that night. Then tuesday I slept through my first class and then just didnt go to my second class its alright, I am totally going tommorrow to the gym and CLASS!! 